How the Whale Got His Throat

A hungry Whale who has eaten every fish in the sea swallows a shipwrecked Mariner, his raft, his suspenders and his jack-knife. The Mariner dances until the Whale gets the hiccoughs and takes him home, and leaves a grating stuck in the Whale’s throat, so whales can only eat very, very small fish.

Scene 1: Nice but Nubbly

How the Whale Got His Throat. In the sea, once upon a time, O my Best Beloved, there was a Whale, and he ate fishes. He ate the starfish and the garfish, and the crab and the dab, and the really truly twirly-whirly eel. At last only one small fish was left in all the sea: a small ’Stute Fish, who swam behind the Whale’s right ear. The Whale stood up on his tail and said: “I’m hungry.” The ’Stute Fish said, in a small ’stute voice: “Noble and generous Cetacean, have you ever tasted Man? Nice, but nubbly!”

Scene 2: Fifty North, Forty West

The Whale made the sea froth up with his tail, and said: “Then fetch me some!” The ’Stute Fish said: “Swim to Fifty North, Forty West. There, on a raft, sits a shipwrecked Mariner, with a pair of suspenders and a jack-knife. He is a man of infinite-resource-and-sagacity.” You must not forget the suspenders, Best Beloved! So the Whale swam and swam, and he found the Mariner on his raft, trailing his toes in the water.

Scene 3: Warm, Dark Inside Cupboards

Then the Whale opened his mouth back and back and back, and he swallowed the Mariner, and the raft, and the suspenders, and the jack-knife. Down they all went, into his warm, dark, inside cupboards. But the Mariner stumped and he jumped, and he thumped and he bumped, and he danced hornpipes where he shouldn’t. And the Whale felt most unhappy indeed.

Scene 4: Hiccoughs

The Whale said to the ’Stute Fish: “This man is very nubbly, and he is making me hiccough. What shall I do?” Then the Whale called down his own throat: “Come out and behave yourself. I’ve got the hiccoughs.” The Mariner said: “Nay, nay! Take me to my natal-shore and the white-cliffs-of-Albion, and I’ll think about it.” And he danced more than ever.

Scene 5: By Means of a Grating

So the Whale swam and swam and swam, as hard as he could for the hiccoughs. At last he rushed half-way up the beach, and opened his mouth wide and wide and wide. And out walked the Mariner. But while the Whale was swimming, the Mariner had cut up the raft with his jack-knife into a little square grating, all running criss-cross. He tied it firm with his suspenders, and he dragged it good and tight into the Whale’s throat, and there it stuck! Then he said: “By means of a grating, I have stopped your ating!”

Scene 6: Very, Very Small Fish

From that day on, the grating in his throat let the Whale eat only very, very small fish. That is why whales nowadays never eat men or boys or little girls. The Mariner went home to his mother. And the ’Stute Fish hid in the mud under the Door-sills of the Equator. So be a person of infinite-resource-and-sagacity, Best Beloved, and never forget the suspenders!

Moral: Keep your head in a tight spot: a person of infinite-resource-and-sagacity can find a way out of anything — and greed can land you in trouble.

Questions about How the Whale Got His Throat

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